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I have always thought it was strange to call a hit, or fire from one's own side, friendly. What a strange term for something so painful. To be injured by one's team has to be one of the worst ways to encounter an injury especially if the hit was intentional.

I began to think about this term recently as things are beginning to ramp up for WW3. As we begin to call on civilians to come closer to their families, try to gather communities to work together for the greater good of humanity, and possibly hunker down for the hard times to come, this term came back to me. Let me back up a bit and give this a little context as to why I thought of this term.


As a veteran of the US military, I have taken some very painful hits. None of these hits came from enemy fire. My injuries very intentionally came from the team that I was serving on. I took hits to my physical and emotional body. The country that I served decided that my body was a tool for medical experimentation for biological weapons. I took hits from fellow servicemen who took out their pain and frustration on woman that served by assaulting us. I took hits as a woman of African descent through racism. I have taken many bullets of "friendly fire."

My intention here is not to minimize the injuries that many combat veterans have gone through as they were wounded in battle. My deepest respect to those who have suffered ANY attack. As I sit in veteran circles however, I realize that only those who have been hit by the enemy's fire can have a real voice. It cost nothing to the listener to empathize with the veteran whose injuries came from outside the ranks. It is easier to talk about because that story doesn't put the ear of the listener in conflict emotionally.

As I began to tell my stories I began to see something strange in the faces of those same listeners. They go into a blank stare as if they checked out. Their response to what I am saying is void. They are not there. There is this strange cognitive dissonance that they have to grapple with that the military that they glorified a moment ago in the combat veteran's injuries is now being attacked. The fire is from inside the ranks. What do they do with that information? Most people don't know so they don't respond.

To be hit by friendly fire is extremely disorientating. It is a betrayal of the deepest level. To think that someone that is supposed to have your back and cover you can be the person that hurts you is more painful than any enemy attack. The hurt is layered with the weight of betrayal, mistrust, and overall unsafe feelings. It is much harder to get over than a hit from the enemy. Once you have experienced that level of pain you may never really trust that space again.

It is unfortunate, but I have come to know that level of friendly fire on many different levels. From family to work, to religous settings, to friends, and beyond. To be hurt by the people you care about is the worst type of pain. The closer the relationship of betrayal the worst the pain feels.

So, why do people hurt the people they are supposed to close ranks with? What are some of the reasons why a person who should be on your team hurt you? Most of the time the person who is the perpetrator is experiencing a hurt of their own that is so deep they deflect it onto someone else. It is for this reason that I stress healing those childhood wounds to the best of my ability, doing shadow work, and seeing all the parts of your inner being that needs healing and help.

When we take the time to do the part that we can to clean up some of the hurt and trauma, we are less likely to pass that on to someone else. This makes us a safer person to be around. If we are a safer person to be around then we are more likely to have the ability to be in community with others without harming them.

In the days to come, we are going to need to have each other's back. We are going to need to huddle has families and communities as things get tougher and tougher. No one should feel fear of being in the presence of their loved ones because of "friendly fire." It's past time to engage in doing the work of cleaning up our dysfunctions so that we can be better equipped to thrive in the days to come. Shadow work, mental and emotional healing work, cleansing and detoxing, and proper self-care can aid us in being a healthier human being. We are less likely to be the culprit of administering that brutal painful hit of friendly fire to the people if we do the work. This will become more important in the days to come as we try to close ranks.

Healing is a personal journey but it affects the whole. We need each other. Let's do a better job of loving ourselves so that we can learn to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. No more friendly fire.

All Rights Reserved Nicola Hurst Copyright 2022©

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Is this where we would rather live?

Where do we end and tech begins

Born on the tail end of the 1960s, I realize I stand right between two major eras.  I’ve gotten to watch the end of the industrial age and see the revolution of the technological age.  In the 1980s, when music began to change from real musical instruments to synthesizers doing most of the work with artists like jazz extraordinaire, Herbie Hancock, I didn’t realize how much of an impact technology would have on every aspect of humankind.  In my lifetime I’ve watched the birth of social media, smartphones, and the decline of the human experience.

Growing up in the ’70s and ’80s, I remember being taught manners by my parents, grandparents, and teachers.  School even taught us something called Social Etiquette.  In the early stages, learning to say please when asking for something, and thank you when receiving something were commonplace.   Later we learned what is polite to do and what is impolite to do in certain settings like, table manners, and phone etiquette.  We were taught things like don’t call a person before 8 a.m. because you don’t want to assume people rise too early don’t call after 8p.m. because people may be sitting down with their families for dinner.   If a boy or man wanted to get to know a girl or woman, he had to work up the nerve to “ask for those digits” (phone number) and they still had to find the courage to call her.  They had to have an actual conversation once this courage was found.  If the relationship didn’t work out, they had to have a break-up conversation.  There wasn’t the convenience of ghosting someone via text at that time. I never thought in my lifetime that something as simple as actually talking to people would become a lost art. It is painful to watch.

I realize that many young people aren’t being taught manners at all anymore, and the tech age moved so fast, no one even developed manners for handling tech. I was prompted to write this because of being ghosted via text.  People I know, love, and care about, who would never hear me say something in person without acknowledging that I have spoken can now do that via text. I got zero response to a legitimate question because it was sent through a text message. When did we get here, and why haven’t we developed the same level of etiquette with our technology that we have with our manners before this tech age?  Why are we allowing an entire generation of young people to go around being rude simply because they are doing it on a smartphone or computer screen?  If that behavior wouldn’t be accepted in person, then why are we allowing it via smartphone?

Technology has moved extremely fast over the past few decades and social etiquette and manners for tech haven’t caught up with it yet.  I remember the year that the iPhone came out.  I will never forget the moment I lost human connection because of it.  I was part of an organization that would periodically send us on business trips.  Meeting at the airport early to have lunch with some of the cohorts I trained with was an opportunity for us to catch up about our lives, ministries, and just shoot the breeze.   I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and connection as we chatted away while we waited for our flights. On one of those trips one day, my coworker pulled out his new phone to show us while at lunch at the airport.  He was so proud of his shiny new gadget.  Then they all pulled out their new phones to brag about their new piece of technology.  They were all so excited about what this phone could do.  That was 2007, the year that the iPhone came out.

iPhone changed the Social Media Game

I sat back and watched as they were all engrossed with their new phones and slowly watched each person slide deeper into their own little world.  At that time, I had to reluctantly upgrade to a blackberry due to work sending group texts that my little flip phone couldn’t keep up with, so I didn’t have an iPhone like the rest of them. I realized at that table that the conversations that used to bring me so much joy were gone. I had lost my friends to their technology.  The conversations as I once knew them stopped, never to return.  I lost the human connection that I once cherished so much.

Can we have connections without phones?

That same year I realized that person-to-person connection was lost through email as well.  One of my spiritual mentors at that organization had been hospitalized and died. Normally in a sensitive situation like that, especially when you are close to that person, someone would pick up the phone and call you and let you know that the person had died and try to find a way to comfort you.  But this is the timeframe that everything was being moved online, including sensitive communication like the death of a person so they sent out an email to us instead of making a phone call.  Because I didn’t check email every day back then like we do now, I missed the correspondence and had to haphazardly find out during a conversation where the people thought I knew.  It was very painful.  The world was changing rapidly right before my eyes, and it wasn’t for good.  Human decency, kindness, consideration, care, and communication were slipping away faster than I could have ever imagined.

Are we losing manners due to social media?

Over the years I realized that people don’t even know how to simply sit with a group of people and have a meal and conversation without a phone being present on the table now.  Just like that new Taco Bell commercial where people stop in their tracks as soon as they hear “The Bell” ring to go in a different direction, so does it happen with the chime of a message or alert on a phone.  We are the most accessible disconnected beings on the planet.  People are rude, disrespectful, dismissive, bullies now that they can hide behind a screen to do their dirty work.  It has been sad to watch this decline of humanity.  Granted technology has its place if used properly, but to lose humanity, kindness, care, and concern for others as a result of it may be a price too high to pay for the benefits in my opinion.  The irony is I am using technology as I put this article out in the ether, and technology has allowed me to do some of my best work of helping to heal others. But if I had to choose between the total loss of humanity as I have known it due to this technology, and having humanity, I would happily choose the latter.

Breaking News!!!

Since I started typing this article the first sexual assault and gang rape has occurred in the Metaverse! This excerpt was taken from USA Today:

“A woman in the U.K. wrote in a blog post on Medium that she experienced a real horror play out in the virtual game Horizon Worlds developed by Meta, formerly known as Facebook.

“Within 60 seconds of joining,” she wrote in the post from December, “I was verbally and sexually harassed – 3-4 male avatars, with male voices, essentially, but virtually gang-raped my avatar.’”

She details watching her avatar get sexually assaulted by a handful of male avatars, who took photos and sent her comments like “don’t pretend you didn’t love it.”

The woman is vice president of Metaverse Research for Kabuni Ventures, an immersive technology company. Meta released Horizon Worlds to everyone 18 years and older in the United States and Canada on Dec. 9 after an invite-only beta test a year ago.”

The responses from this article in a YouTube video range from shock and disbelief that this “horrific act happened to her,” to “this didn’t happen in real life so why is she so traumatized.”

We have literally gone from using technology to not knowing what is real and what is tech. Our lives are so merged with machines people can no longer differentiate what is humanity anymore.

Where do we go from here? Is this something we can course, correct? Are we slowly losing our humanity to technology? Are we okay with this? Is this truly the world we want to live in? When is enough, enough, and do we even care?  Do we choose Humanity or Cyborg?  I would love to hear your perspectives in the comment section.

Nicola Hurst is Founder and CEO of Life Alchemy Life Coaching

To book a private coaching session with Nicola go to:

To get a copy of her book Recovering from 2020 on Amazon​ For the paperback

For an autographed copy click here

To download a free video e-course on Pulling Your emotions Out of a Ditch:

YouTube: Courage To Change


Twitter: @NicolaHurst13

To read a work of Pre-Transformed Nicola: “Waiting On God For Your Divine Right Mate”:

© 2022 Nicola Hurst ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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Jul 11

Transmuting Pain into Power

transmutation |ˌtransmyo͞oˈtāSHən, ˌtranz-|


the action of changing or the state of being changed into another form.

The Power and Beauty of Transmutation

I feel like over the past few weeks of my life I took a deep dive into the abyss of pain as I allowed every hurt, trauma, soul rupture and childhood scar to rise to the surface of my life for evaluation. Usually, I could run from it, numb it or hide it in some way but the universe wouldn’t allow that to happen this time. I had to see it, face off with it and feel the weight of all of it.

I felt like I wanted to die on many occasions during these past few weeks. I had triggers that came up through people in my life that I loved that caused soul ruptures so painful all I wanted to do was sink into the abyss. Each fracture took me deeper into a childhood core belief system that was set up to protect me in a dysfunctional home. Every trigger was designed by the universe to make me face my false-self that I may re-write my subconscious thinking into my truest most authentic self.

I have to admit I didn’t know what was happening to me at the time. All I saw was darkness, and all I could feel was the pain. It seemed that everything around me continued to trigger my old abandonment, rejection, and loss themes of growing up in a dysfunctional home. Each person that came around me during this time of darkness was designed to push me deeper into the abyss of this theme until I could heal. I felt the core of my soul screaming out against the injustice of all the weight of this pain and fighting back deep within me. I could not describe to anyone what was happening to me. I couldn’t verbalize what was taking place deep within the core of my soul, but I did know that something deep within me was trying to heal and correct itself from the rut I had lived into all my life. These core belief systems needed to be challenged and this transmutation had to take place.

Face it Feel it

The first step of transmuting pain into power is to allow yourself to feel your emotions. I am a counselor, spiritual healer, and an empathic being. I don’t despise my childhood because it created me to do the work I am doing today. However, my childhood false-self needed to be challenged that I may grow into a better version of myself. I cannot walk others through the darkness of their pain until I can first walk through my own, and I cannot transmute the pain into power until I first see that there is value in the experience of it. And the first step of walking through it is to acknowledge what is there and feel it fully.

There is Power in Your Jewels

Pick up your jewels

The second step of transmuting the pain into power is recognizing that no experience should be left on the ground. There is a lesson in everything that ever hurt me. It may be my defiance, but I refuse to not get something out of whatever bothered me. I am looking to either gain some type of lesson from it or find strength and resilience from it. I refuse to leave the jewels of the experience on the ground and walk away empty. I honestly didn’t know how I was going to come out of the heartache of these past few weeks or so, but something broke last night and whatever I was going through released me. I prayed, fasted, meditated and continued to do my healing work but I could not get out of the pain until it had done its job in me. And this morning when I felt a release I decided I needed to write about it. This experience taught me something about erasing old childhood negative tapes. These are the tapes that play over and over again as we continue to invite the same type of experiences in our lives time and time again until we heal. These are the limiting beliefs that govern our lives that have a groove so deep in the hardware of our minds that something like this dark night of the soul I just experience has to shake us out of it literally. I wanted out of that limiting belief, but the way out of something that deep is to go through it until the pain and regular healing work brought me safely to the other side of it.

You Gain Power From Sharing

Don’t sit on it, share it.

The final step in transmuting pain into power in my humble opinion is to share the lesson of it. Each time I take a hit and come out of it, I try to find a way to give something away. Each time I give something away I rise a little higher in consciousness. I grow, I elevate when I share my experience strength and hope with someone else. In essence, once I have filled myself with the fullness of my experience, I share the overflow of that experience to others that I may be able to produce more. Hopefully a dark night of the soul as thick as the one I just came out of doesn’t have to repeat itself like that again, but there are enough jewels for a lifetime of lessons that can be shared once I survive something that deep and painful. Just sitting here and being able to create this blog after weeks of being in such pain that my creativity was stuck, is a gift to me. As I pour out these words to give to someone who may read this, my load gets lighter, and my soul flies a bit higher. I feel her emerge from the abyss into the sunshine again. Transmutation is a process of taking something raw and alchemizing it into an entirely new and beautiful thing. In this case, this intense pain becomes my power when I choose to face it feel it and heal from it. I find the lesson from it and then share it.

I hope my experience helps someone out there to know that there is hope on the other side of whatever you are going through. You are more than what you are going through, and the jewels you pull from the fire of your experience are the hope of someone else.

Peace, Love and High Vibrations Family.

To book a private coaching session with Nicola go to:

To download a free video e-course on Pulling Your emotions Out of a Ditch:

To read a work of Pre-Transformed Nicola: “Waiting On God For Your Divine Right Mate”:

© 2018 Nicola Hurst ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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